What Was I Thinking...

I was thinking so many things when I first saw Gatsby. Seeing him again was the first time in years since the last time I saw him. I thought about all the good times we had, when we were madly in love. My parents had a problem with that but I didn't care at all. The only thing I cared about was how in love I was with Jay Gatsby. At the time, I was sure that he was the one for me. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together, without a care in the world as long as we had each other. Just looking at him made me smile! But then, when Gatsby left, he told me that I should wait for him. I can't explain how heartbroken I was. I didn't want to wait I wanted him with me right then I didn't want him to leave. I missed him when he left and I knew I wanted to wait. Although, a part of me knew it was time to move forward. I didn't know when he would return and when he did, if he would still love me. I couldn't sit around waiting for the love of my life to come back it would just hurt me more. I had to move forward and find someone my parents would like more than Gatsby too. Meeting Tom put Gatsby behind me I never thought of him again. All of these thoughts came rushing back into my mind the minute I laid eyes on Jay Gatsby in Nick's house.

When I was driving home from New York with Jay Gatsby, I was very nervous. I could not see straight, my hands were sweating and I was shaking. I was focused on Jay sitting next to me. I wasn't paying too much attention to the road, my mind was wandering. When the woman ran out in the middle of the road towards the car, it almost didn't seem real! I didn't see her and even if i did, there would not have been enough time to stop. Jay tried to help me stop but it was too late. After I hit her, I didn't know what to think. I was so shocked and it almost didn't seem real. I was going to stop but Jay told me to keep driving. I couldn't believe what had just happened. What was going to happen to me? How do I tell people what happened? Jay kept telling me to keep driving and not stop so that's what I did. After what had just happened I wasn't thinking straight. I knew if I just continued to drive home I could forget what happened, or at least try to. I did not want to remember that night at all.

Why I...

When I went into Gatsby's house with Nick, there was no explaining what I was feeling. I was confused, sad, and happy all at the same time. I loved my husband but I think I was falling for Gatsby all over again. When we walked upstairs into the room where Gatsby showed me all of his shirts, I started to try. I covered my face with his shirt and cried my eyes out. Being in that room and with Gatsby made me think about what it was like to love him again and that is why I cried. No one there understood why I was crying because they didn't know how I was feeling. I was so confused though because I am married. I love my husband and I couldn't possibly get a divorce! Although, I think I may love Gatsby more than I love my husband. It's horrible I know but I can't help it. I can't possibly tell anyone how I'm feeling either. All the emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. I was completely overwhelmed because while I am married to my husband, I am falling for another man. Another man whom I used to love. Was I mad at Nick for introducing me to Gatsby again? Absolutely not. But I don't know how to handle how I am feeling. Crying was the best thing I could do. It was the only way I could express how I'm feeling although I couldn't really control it. I started to cry into Gatsby's shirts and I couldn't stop. I was falling for my past love while I have a husband. What am I thinking? I hope Tom doesn't find out. No one understood why I was crying and it seemed crazy but I didn't care. It was the only thing I could do.

After hearing about Gatsby's death, I was sad, but I had to move forward. I decided not to attend his funeral. I decided to live my life and not think too much about Gatsby. I needed to fix my marriage. Nick called me many times but I didn't return any of his calls. The reason I didn't call Nick back or attend the funeral of my past love, Jay Gatsby, was because of Tom. He suspected that something was going on with me and Jay when he was alive. He became very suspicious of the affair and that forced him to become unbelievably controlling. Of course I wanted to attend the funeral, but for the sake of Tom I couldn't. I already felt awful about falling for Jay again so I couldn't do that to him. We weren't living at out house around the time of the funeral. Tom came up with the idea to travel. He said that traveling would help our marriage. He thought it would bring us closer together and work on the problems we have. While we were traveling, I did not use a phone. That's why I could not return Nick's phone calls and explain to him why I could not attend Gatsby's funeral. Once I got back from traveling I called Nick and apologized for not having a phone and explained what had happened.

What Was I Feeling...

When I first saw Gatsby at Nicks house, I immediately felt how I did many years ago when Gatsby and I were in love. At first I thought it was too good to be true and it couldn't possibly be him, but it was. Seeing him was like love at first sight all over again. All of the love I have ever had for Jay Gatsby came rushing back. I remember all the moments we had and the memories we shared together. I couldn't stop looking at him or thinking about him. Seeing him took my breath away and made my heart skip a beat. I was so glad to see him and I knew by the look on his face he was happy to see me. He looked at me just as he did when we were in love. At the same time though, I was sad. I was sad because seeing Gatsby also made me think of Tom. I am married! I shouldn't be thinking of Gatsby because now that I am married, there's no future like there used to be. I didn't know what to say around him. I was so nervous and he seems as if he was too. It's hard to see someone you used to love. I didn't know what to do or what to say. Staring into his eyes brought back so many good memories but that worried me. I couldn't possibly start to fall for him again because my husband. Seeing my old love brought so much joy to my heart, but at the same time, brought it so much pain.

I was feeling a lot of things when I was driving home with Gatsby. I was feeling more nervous than anything. I did not know why though. I was filled completely with anxiety, and Jay sitting next to me definitely didn't make things better. When Gatsby noticed I was feeling nervous, he told me maybe I should drive home. Now this made me even more nervous. It made me nervous because I don't drive much. Jay insisted that I should try and drive though, so I did. Not knowing how the car worked was another contributing factor to my anxiety. While I was driving I was trying to focus as best as I could. But then, out of no where, a woman came running towards the car. I was only paying half attention to the road. There was so much on my mind. Trying to work the car, and Jay sitting next to me. I was too late when I tried to stop, but I hit her. I was in too much shock to realize what just happened and I didn't know what to do, so I kept driving.