Why I...

When I went into Gatsby's house with Nick, there was no explaining what I was feeling. I was confused, sad, and happy all at the same time. I loved my husband but I think I was falling for Gatsby all over again. When we walked upstairs into the room where Gatsby showed me all of his shirts, I started to try. I covered my face with his shirt and cried my eyes out. Being in that room and with Gatsby made me think about what it was like to love him again and that is why I cried. No one there understood why I was crying because they didn't know how I was feeling. I was so confused though because I am married. I love my husband and I couldn't possibly get a divorce! Although, I think I may love Gatsby more than I love my husband. It's horrible I know but I can't help it. I can't possibly tell anyone how I'm feeling either. All the emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. I was completely overwhelmed because while I am married to my husband, I am falling for another man. Another man whom I used to love. Was I mad at Nick for introducing me to Gatsby again? Absolutely not. But I don't know how to handle how I am feeling. Crying was the best thing I could do. It was the only way I could express how I'm feeling although I couldn't really control it. I started to cry into Gatsby's shirts and I couldn't stop. I was falling for my past love while I have a husband. What am I thinking? I hope Tom doesn't find out. No one understood why I was crying and it seemed crazy but I didn't care. It was the only thing I could do.

After hearing about Gatsby's death, I was sad, but I had to move forward. I decided not to attend his funeral. I decided to live my life and not think too much about Gatsby. I needed to fix my marriage. Nick called me many times but I didn't return any of his calls. The reason I didn't call Nick back or attend the funeral of my past love, Jay Gatsby, was because of Tom. He suspected that something was going on with me and Jay when he was alive. He became very suspicious of the affair and that forced him to become unbelievably controlling. Of course I wanted to attend the funeral, but for the sake of Tom I couldn't. I already felt awful about falling for Jay again so I couldn't do that to him. We weren't living at out house around the time of the funeral. Tom came up with the idea to travel. He said that traveling would help our marriage. He thought it would bring us closer together and work on the problems we have. While we were traveling, I did not use a phone. That's why I could not return Nick's phone calls and explain to him why I could not attend Gatsby's funeral. Once I got back from traveling I called Nick and apologized for not having a phone and explained what had happened.